At the age of 12-17 years, many adolescents experience a crisis of self-esteem and identity of the personality. Dissatisfaction with the appearance leads to a feeling of guilt and even hatred for oneself and your body. To defeat these complexes alone, a teenager is often beyond the power. How parents can help, says psychologist Larisa Karnatskaya.
In adolescence, the dependence on self -esteem is extremely great, much more than adults think. Today, the requirement to meet the media standards of beauty and be physically perfect exerts a lot of pressure on girls and boys. Studies of the Dove brand revealed the following picture: although only 19% of teenage girls have overweight, 67% believe that they need to lose weight. And behind these numbers are real problems.
Girls use unhealthy methods to lose weight (tablets, starvation), and boys take drugs that help to gain muscle mass. Because of the complexes, adolescents behave in a society constrained, uncertain and try to avoid communication even with peers. Children who hear ridicule in their address, transfer the anger to themselves and their physical “shortcomings” become embittered, secretive.
Do not wait for the child to grow these complexes. It is better to try to help.
Talk frankly
To talk a teenager, you need to understand his experiences. Remember yourself at his age and your experiences. You were embarrassed, or maybe even hated yourself, considered yourself awkward, thick, ugly. Looking back at our childhood, we are used to remembering continuous joys, forgetting about difficulties and troubles. And the child feels that in comparison with his parents he lives incorrectly.
Praise aloud
Mention in a conversation how you see a child in everyday life, emphasizing his best sides. It will be for a teenager the support in which he needs so. If the child is ridiculed, he becomes closed, and if the child is encouraged, he learns to believe in himself.
Praise not only for appearance! In addition to compliments, the child is useful to hear praise from parents for his actions. Appreciate the efforts that the child makes to achieve the goal, not the result. Explain that not everything always turns out the way you want. But if you concentrate on every failure, this will not bring it closer to success.
Treat yourself softly
Mother should not criticize their reflection in the mirror in the presence of a teenage daughter, complain about circles under the eyes, excess weight. It is better to talk to her about how the girl’s body changes, how beautiful she has a gait and a smile. Share with your daughter a story about how you were unhappy with yourself at her age. Tell us how they could survive the influence from the outside or how someone significant for you was able to cope with the complexes. Another important point is modeling: Give your child the opportunity to observe that you treat yourself well, appreciate yourself, take care of yourself.
Form a value system
Explain to the child that to judge a person in appearance is superficial. Do not criticize
others in the presence of a child, he should not take part in such conversations or be their witness. Children’s consciousness is very susceptible, and the teenager projects himself criticism aimed at others.